Have you heard the story of when I found out we were expecting our second child? I embarrassingly got pregnant four weeks after having my first. I did NOT think that was possible. I often get asked… “but how?! You didn’t even wait for your six week check up!”. I had a great birth/after birth and felt fine, so my husband who was sick of waiting said “ let’s just try and see if it works” haha.

Fast forward four months later, I was feeling VERY moody. I was feeling absolutely crazy. I went to my doctor and told him my symptoms- incredibly fatigued, moody and depressed, extremely hungry ALL OF THE TIME, sometimes nauseous, milk supply decreasing and I still hadn’t gotten my visit from my monthly friend. Could I be pregnant??

My doctor looked at me with condescending patience and said; “you’re a new mom, not pregnant. This is all normal. Go home, get some sleep when baby sleeps and you’ll start to feel like your normal, happy self.”

It was Canada Day weekend aka my breaking point. I was so out of control anxious and moody. I’d literally be so angry and then burst out in tears. This didn’t feel like normal postpartum for a first time mom, but what did I know! Well, Nick and I had a fight that weekend and I was so outraged that I told him I was leaving him with the baby! Don’t worry, I didn’t go far. I drove to our local movie theatre in the early afternoon, ordered the largest bag of butter popcorn and an Ice Tea and sat perfectly alone, laughing embarrassingly too loud as I watched The House. After the movie I drove home feeling much calmer. As I was driving home, I thought to myself, maybe I should get a pregnancy test to just rule that out so that my doctor could give me some direction on how I’ve been feeling.

I got home and didn’t even say hello to Nick who was upstairs sleeping on the floor outside of Paxton’s crib. He must have fallen asleep there while putting him down for his nap. I walked in the house and went straight to the washroom, very sure I wasn’t pregnant. I peed on the stick and very quickly two pink lines appeared. WHAT.

I marched upstairs with no regard to a sleeping babe. Opened the door to the nursery. I whispered very loudly to Nick “HEY!” And his head popped up from the floor to look at me… and I threw the positive test at him. He must have been so confused because I didn’t even tell him I was planning on taking one. Ha! Just a flying plastic stick to the head that he soon realized was a positive pregnancy test.

I turned around and flopped onto our bed, my head buried in the pillows. I couldn’t help but cry as so many fears washed over me. And then Nicholas comes out beaming! “Why are you smiling?!” I demanded. “Jos. This is a good thing! We are growing our family! I’m happy!”

I told him all of my fears…

Poor Pax is so little, I’m taking away his solo time with us.

It’s embarrassing to have them so close in age.

Financially we weren’t planning for this and what about me going back to work.

He responded with…

Pax is getting the greatest gift; a best friend for life!

So what! It’ll be great having them close in age.

We will figure it out! Everything is going to be okay.

Have I ever told you how thankful I am for this man? I would have kept spiralling, but he showed me the good.

Larkin was born just ten months after Paxton was born. It felt like I had two babies, just one was slightly heavier haha. As they grew together, I realized Nick was so right. They really did become best friends and Pax loved having a sibling. They learned to walk at the same time, they share the same humour, they comfort each other when the other one is sad.

The other day, I took a picture of my two goof balls cuddling and joking on the couch and it immediately took me back to another time earlier on in motherhood when I was in the thick of things. I had two toddlers who needed a lot of me and another new baby at home. I felt stretched thin in a lot of ways. I loved having three and a big family all close in age, but it was certainly hard work! Now on the other side, looking back at that photo and the one I just took, it gives me so much gratitude and perspective. Somethings in life are so unexpected, but if we don’t slow down and take a look at the big picture, we could miss the biggest blessings in life.

Larkin was the best thing I never planned and she continues to bless our family every darn day.