There was a time, not long ago, when I would have considered myself in the thick of motherhood. That’s not to say that my days right now aren’t full of chaos and bottomless coffees. The “thick of it” are sleepless nights of co-sleeping your baby and coercing your toddler to go back to sleep after another night terror. It’s balancing a baby in your sling and a toddler on your hip. It’s being on the clock from the moment you open your eyes till your head hits the pillow and even then, the night is unpredictable and you may be called out of your slumber at any given moment. It’s when you see those two pink lines on the pregnancy test, wondering how you’ll manage because life is already exhausting without the presence of a newborn.

The thick of it is damn hard. When you hear other moms say they lost a bit of themselves, it’s usually in the deep end of motherhood. This is when moms need community and support the most, but often its the time where we are expected to “bounce back” to reality and be this new, shiny version of ourselves that takes care of the home and the children and still burn for our husbands. In reality, we don’t shine, we barely want to sparkle. We are literally burnt out, but somehow we find ourselves still able to pour a little more from our seemingly empty cups before we dim the lights and call it a day.

So if you’re in the thick of motherhood, let me tell you just a few things that I wish I had tucked into my back pocket in the early years with my kids.

1. Stop comparing your motherhood journey to the next mom.
   
   You are not expected to fit in those jeans, honey. Just because Jenny from the block can fit in them, doesn’t mean you should be able to. You don’t have to put your baby in their own bedroom by 2 months if you don’t want to! Just because your bestie is doing it, doesn’t mean that’s the right thing for you! Motherhood does not come with an instruction manual and it’s definitely not one size fits all. Trust me, a mom with four kids and each baby was wildly different. I did things differently with each one!
   
   
2. You are so gorgeous.
   
   I know you may not FEEL it right now, but one day, and I swear to goodness you will, you’ll look back at the photos that were taken during the mundane of motherhood and think… wow, I was gorgeous. You may feel so foreign in your body right now, but your body is a beautiful road map through motherhood. Just relax and enjoy the journey without being worried of changing course just yet. You’ll feel comfortable in your skin soon enough, my friend.
   
   
3. Make time for each other.
   
   In the thick of it, it can feel like it’s just not your season to connect with your spouse. Looking back through this last decade with my husband, I’m so thankful that we still pursued each other. I would be dog tired from taking care of littles and Nick would be just coming off night shifts, completely groggy and zombie-like, but we still did a date. Sometimes it would be take out and a movie at home together, other times it would be a dog walk or dinner out. Some months it would be once a week and other times it would be once every few weeks, but it’s something to look forward to and a time to reconnect. Even if you feel like you have nothing to say, or nothing to talk about other then the kids, still show up… just being with your person is all that matters. Push yourself to make the date, to schedule the time together. This is what builds intimacy and team work in your parenting, in my opinion.
   
   
4. If you are struggling with your mental health, you are not alone.
   
   You have never given more of yourself in your ENTIRE life. You are maxed out and you still have to show up. Even when you’re sick, you’re still changing poop diapers and kissing your toddler’s boo-boo’s. Throw in hormones, poor sleep and not eating well (we often just finish what our kids leave on their plates, am I right?); and that’s a recipe for poor mental health. If it has taken a dip right now, you’re not alone and you are NORMAL. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not crazy. You are not incapable of making decisions for your children. Your children are not going to be taken away from you. You do not need to be locked up. These are all thoughts I had when I was struggling. If the people around you aren’t supporting you and they are making you feel like you’re any of the above, then you need to feed yourself a fresh perspective. Yes, get help- of course get help. But that does not mean you’re an insane person who doesn’t deserve being a mother. Take medication, see a registered therapist regularly, exercise, tell your spouse what you’re struggling with mentally. You WILL feel better soon.
   
   
5. This is just a season.
   
   Whatever you are facing right now- be it a child that refuses to potty train and shamelessly takes a dump in their underwear, a baby that wakes up every few hours to comfort nurse or your little one who’s outbursts are embarrassing and unpredictable that you don’t ever want to leave the house… just remember, and I know it doesn’t feel like this, but right around the corner they will be using the potty all on their own (they wont even need you to wipe their butt!), sleeping through the whole night on their own and the outbursts will finally stop and you will be able to walk through the department store without holding your breath in fear of the next tantrum. It feels like this season right now has gone on forever, but one day you’ll wake up and realize you are completely out of it. How did that even happen? I don’t know, some kind of motherhood magic! If you can just hold on, push through this really challenging time in motherhood because you know- tomorrow could hold a different story.

Mama, I see you. You’re doing an incredible job sacrificing so much so that you can give your children a beautiful childhood. Remember, this is your motherhood too, and don’t lose sight of how beautiful that is. I’m proud of you, keep going!

Love and hugs,

Josie