Everybody needs, everybody needs

Everybody needs saving

Everybody breaks, everybody bleeds

You don’t have to be ashamed

The beautiful thing about God is that there’s nothing you or I can do that surprises him, that makes him turn his back on us. Even when we struggle, when we doubt, when we poke holes and try to piece together our view of religion; he stands patiently beside us.

The last few years I’ve struggled with my faith. I’m being completely transparent, because I feel like we only see the sparkly parts of people’s walks with God.

You see, I’ve had a real hard time separating God from the hurt that I’ve felt from believers and people in power. I think things can get really muddy real quick when this happens. So I began to push Faith away. If asked, I’d say I still believe in God, but “I’m figuring it out”. And in some ways, I still am. I began exploring alternative healing methods, I began to pack up (or throw out) my bibles and anything that reminded me of church. The pain was just too much to handle anymore. I could no longer shove it down deeper.

So I wrestled. My husband comforted me during this time by reminding me it’s okay to wrestle in our faith. It doesn’t mean giving up or defeat, it means that we are sharpening our faith in the process. We don’t have to have all the answers about God, we can give ourselves permission to wrestle. I think about some of my parenting moments and when my littles wrestle with big emotions. I don’t expect them to have it all figured out or for them to not feel so deeply. I let them wrestle, as any good parent would, but I sit down beside them, one hand on their back and gently remind them that they’re loved and that love will never leave.

I envision God, our heavenly father doing the same to us when we wrestle our faith. He doesn’t storm off offended. He doesn’t demand us to repent and shame us. He sits and he comforts.

So today, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve had time to heal the wounds. The once foggy picture of church and faith isn’t clouded by those who hurt me. Now I can see God, who’s been seeing me all along; a zealous, kind father.

I remember the time I turned to God as a young adult in such a big and radical way. I still think about how much he must have loved me, to completely change my life for the better in a matter of weeks. When I felt broken and lost, He was there writing this incredible story of redemption.

This last year specifically I see him showing up in the same ways for me and my family. I’m not that broken and lost 20′ something year old, but I was searching and hurting. Having felt let down, again; fatherless, abandoned, deflated…

Religion was the last thing I wanted to run to.

Thankfully God met me in so many small ways as I healed and continues to show me his way today.

As simple as that

Don’t overthink, don’t complicate it

No strings attached

He loves you

Let that be enough for you today if you’re wrestling 🤍

You Will Be Saved

Song by ELEVATION RHYTHM